Oh my God, that's so freaking funny.  天啊  真是笑死我了
I know, right?  那是  我写的嘛
What?  你们在笑啥
Dad just wrote another classic one. Tell her.  老爸又出品经典之作  给她讲讲
I don't know about "Classic," but here we go.  "经典"可不敢当  不过笑话是这样的
I don't know about "Classic," but here we go.  [此处story双关"楼层"和"故事"]
"If you're looking for a two-story house,"  "如果您想买一幢双层小楼"
"I'm your man."  "那可真对人了"
"I'll tell you one story before you buy it"  "我会在您付款之前讲第一个故事"
"and then another story after."  "付款之后再讲一个"
No, you didn't!  哈哈  太经典了
Tonight is the S.C.A.R.B..  今晚是S.C.A.R.B.之夜
家庭高尔夫The Southern California Annual Realtor's Banquet.  南加州房产经纪人年度宴会
I think they know what it is.  我猜他们应该知道这个吧
It's the mother of all  这可是其他所有
residential-real-estate banquets.  住宅地产类宴会的鼻祖
Now, for the last five years, Gil Thorpe has hosted,  过去五年来  这宴会都是吉尔·索普在主持
but as luck would have it,  但凑巧的是
he's having a sketchy-looking polyp remove.  他最近在做一个很恶心的息肉切除手术
So they've asked "Phil in."  所以他们就来我说  "菲尔上"
So they've asked "Phil in."  ["Phil in"套用"fill in"  后者意为替补上场]
- See what I did? - Oh, yeah.  -你听出笑点没  -当然
"Phil."  "菲尔[同音词Fill]"
You think I should open with that?  我可以用这个作开场白吗
You betcha. You should.  当然了  这还用问吗
Phil is gonna bomb.  菲尔一定会颜面扫地
It's not that he's not fun. He is so fun.  不是说他不幽默  他很自娱自乐
He's just not funny.  只是他的笑话都太冷了
It's probably my fault,  在这一点上我也有责任
because I laugh at all of his jokes.  因为他开口  我必笑
With my mouth not with my eyes.  皮笑肉不笑
"I see the great realtor Margaret Wilson is here,"  "我看到优秀的房产经纪人玛格丽特·威尔逊来了"
"looking more curvaceous than ever."  "看上去比以往更加丰满迷人"
"Talk about your balloon payments."  "说你那一屁股的债呢“
"Talk about your balloon payments."  [balloon payment指分期付款中最后一笔较大金额的付款]
Gloria, do we have to keep  歌洛莉亚  我们一定要留着这盘
this Colombia/Brazil soccer game?  哥伦比亚对战巴西的足球赛录像带
Yes, I haven't seen it yet.  是滴  我一直都没看完这场
It's been sitting in there for five months.  这录像已经录好五个月了
I mean, I can tell you who wins.  我是说  我可以告诉你谁赢了
And what about this two-hour  那这盘两个小时的
"Antiques roadshow"?  《古董路演》节目录像带又是怎么回事
"Antiques roadshow"?  [古董路演]  美国一档电视鉴宝节目
I'll watch it today.  我今天想把它看掉
Fine. I'm gonna play some golf.  好吧  那我要去打高尔夫了
No. What about Mirabel's daughter's Quinceanera?  不行  你还要参加米拉贝尔的女儿的成年礼呢
No. What about Mirabel's daughter's Quinceanera?  拉美女孩十五岁生日要盛大庆祝  以示其成年
I honestly didn't get any of that.  完全不知道你在讲神马
Mirabel. She works for you.  米拉贝尔是你的员工
Okay.  好吧  然后呢
Her daughter, Rosalba, is celebrating her Quinceanera,  她女儿罗莎芭  今晚要举行成人礼
her 15th birthday.  这是她的十五岁生日
She invited us. You just going to ignore it.  她邀请了咱俩  但你完全无视了
Of course not. I get this all the time.  我才没有  我一直都记得这码事
I throw it on my secretary's desk,  我把这事丢给我秘书了
and she sends them an Omaha steak.  她给了他们一份奥马哈牛排当礼物
- Ay, Jay. - What?!  -唉  杰  -咋了
Manny's right.  曼尼说得对
The Quinceanera is very important in the Latin Culture.  女孩的成年礼在拉丁文化中是灰常重要滴
The moment the father dances with his little princess.  作父亲的要带着他的小公主翩翩起舞
Ay, I remember my own father holding my hand.  我还记得我爸爸拉着我滴手跳舞的时候
There wasn't a dry eye in the cartel.  在场滴人无不内牛满面
But these people don't want me there.  但那些人不会欢迎我去参加的
See, they're just being polite.  明白吗  他们只是客气一下
I'm the boss.  我是他们的头儿
That's what you tell yourself  你这是自欺欺人
so you can stay above them.  你就是骑在人民头上作威作福
You just throw them an "Obama" Steak  你就扔给他们一个什么"奥巴马"牛排
and run to the golf course.  然后就打你的高尔夫去了
I'm not trying to stay above them.  我可没有高高在上
I just don't think  我只是不想
I have to go all "arriba, arriba" with them.  去他们那什么"叽里呱啦"的事儿里凑热闹
- Because you're better than them? - No, of course not.  -因为你比他们都强  -当然不是
I mean, I'm better than some of them.  我是说  我只比其中一些人强点而已
Do you even know these people, Jay, hmm?  乃根本都不认识这些人  对不对杰
Or they're just the backs you step on?  还是说他们根本就只是乃的垫脚石
I know you like to make me out as an elitist,  我知道你不肯承认我是一枚杰出人士
but the truth is, I'm close with these people.  但事实上  我相当亲民
Then prove it. Just go to the party.  那就去参加成人礼  证明给我看
Fine. One hour. You drive.  好吧  只去一个小时  你来开车
'Cause I don't want to give my valet ticket to the wrong guy,  因为我怕把泊车卡给错人
have you all over me.  这样你就又能唠叨我了
Ay, Jay.  唉  杰
Where do you keep popping out from?!  你到底都是从哪儿钻出来的
So, Cam has started working out again,  小卡现在又开始健身了
which is -- it's -- it's great.  这是  这真的是件好事